I miss you sometimes but I’m not sure exactly what is it that I miss. Today I talked with my friend about you and everything just rushed back. It has been almost 5 years and yet you keep finding a way of crawling back up to my chest suffocating me. I wonder if that’s just because of some sort of sadistic nature you pride yourself in. Is it because you like knowing that you’ll always have a soft place between the cracked parts of my heart. A place where is warm enough for you to stay every once in a while. Like a bear that hibernates during winter but leaves when the cold is over..sometimes I wish I could just ask you, what is it exactly that you want from me?Haven’t you stolen enough pieces from my soul?Haven’t you left enough scars?But every time I muster a bit of courage to stutter out my protests you engulf me with words coated with sweet sweet venom. You whisper how much you love me. You cry about how you need me there for your life to be complete and I -like a puppy- eat the words right of your hand. I hold onto them until nothing else matters until I can’t feel my nails digging through your flesh holding on to dear life..Just just leave please. I beg of you..leave and never look back. I like it better when you’re not around anymore. At least then I’m not holding onto my stomach sobbing at 3 am..at least then my eyes aren’t blotchy and dry from all the tears. At least then I can breath. I can sigh out in relief and feel the air slowly fill up my chest like a balloon getting ready to take off in the sky..at least then I can finally feel peace.

https://youtu.be/eil9Dw2flcE

I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home